


My Love, My Life

by Delirious_Comfort



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Character Death, F/F, Grief/Mourning, Love Letters, Not Canon Compliant, discord fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-15 07:58:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16929444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Delirious_Comfort/pseuds/Delirious_Comfort
Summary: Bellatrix griefs the loss of a loved one.





	My Love, My Life

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Bellamione Discord](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Bellamione+Discord).



-

Mudblood,

Come back and fight me, you coward.

B.B.

-

Fine.

_Dear_ mudblood,

I still hate you. Ha.

B.B.

-

I'd spit in your face if I could. Perhaps that would trigger a response. Anything.

B.B.

-

I don't understand, and I understand _everything_.   
I understand what _we_ fought for.  
I understand what it _cost_ us.  
But this? This I do not understand.

B.B.

-

Granger,

_Please_.

B.B.

-

I'm not the begging kind, Hermione. People beg _me._ Do not humiliate me like that.

B.B.

-

They miss you too. Not nearly as much as I do. But they miss you.

B.

-

Dear Hermione,

I can't do this. What were you thinking, hm?

B.

-

My love,

This journal hurts.  
Filled with letters you will never read.   
Filled with memories we'll never look back on again.  
Filled with _you_.  
  
Everything was you and now everything is gone.

Do you remember that first day? After all the anger? After the hurt? After the crying? Do you remember how your head was on my chest? How your fingers were drumming along with my heartbeat? Do you remember how one well-placed kiss made it go faster?

These days I can hardly breathe. The bed is empty. It no longer smells like you. If I could, I'd go back in time and bottle your scent. To carry it with me for however long I must go through this without you. But your scent is gone.

You made me feel so strong, invincible even. Not like how _he_ made me feel. Different. Worthy of a future that was filled with happiness. Worthy of you. And now you took that away from me.

I loved you. All of you.   
  
I loved your obsession with books. Your endless thought processes.   
  
I loved your laughter. The way you tilted your head back to fully express it.  
  
I loved your cries because they meant you _felt_ something so deeply.  
  
I loved holding you. One hand on your back, the other stroking your cheek.  
  
I loved reading to you.   
  
I loved telling you about old magic. And yes, I loved showing you even more.  
  
I loved loving you, my love.

It was never supposed to end like this. Fate has been cruel to us both. It could have taken me so many times and it never did. And the one time it could take you, it did.

Your daughter is a spitting image of you. Our daughter. Our beautiful little girl. She deserves so much more than just me for a mother. She deserved you. She deserved both of us.

She giggles when Narcissa throws her in the air. I think I die every time it happens. What if one day she doesn't catch her? I feel like I'm already letting her down. I don't know how to make her giggle. But I soothe her tears. I cuddle her to sleep. I love her.

I love you. You were my life. I honestly don't know how to do this without you. There are days where I am so mad. I can feel the pull of destruction call me. Some days it's hard to ignore it. Your friends help. Neville, if you can believe it. I suppose for a long a time he has felt that same anger towards me. He loves our little girl and she loves him.

We will be okay. Without you. I think. It's not the future we dreamed off. It's not what I had hoped for. But we will be okay. Some days I can feel you near, telling me it's all going to be okay. I hear you telling me to just breathe. Is that really you? I think... I don't want to know the answer.

It's been eight months. Eight months of heartbreak. Eight months of changing diapers and eight months of _missing_ you.

Because I do. Every minute of every day.

But I love you.

My love... my life... you were everything and you will always be. But for now, I have to say goodbye. There is a little girl that needs my attention. And for as long as I can, I will give it to her.

I will tell her the story of how her mothers met. How they fought for their love, for acceptance and for each other. I won't let her forget about you. I promise.

And neither will I.

 

You are my one and only.

 

Your Bella.

 

 


End file.
